I've had a blst these past few days!

on thursday I went on a VI retreat to a place called camp Tyler. Its this camp that is run for the local school district for anything they need it for. they have a working farm, zip line, rope course, louge, huge lake with swimming/fishing/ and boating as possible activities, tons of trails, and cool workers. I've been there at least 15 times in my life and the novelty never wears off.

so this weekend I was up there for this VI retreat. there were 18 kids ranging in age from 6-17. It was really fun.

on Thursday we got to do the zip line. I have been on this thing many times so I've gotten over my fear of the height at which you let go so I asked the people who were hiking me up how to make this more exciting. there response "how 'bout a flip" Me: "okay" they told me how and I jumped off and preformed a 180 degree and hung like a bat for the remainder of the ride. It was so much fun! plus I gave my teachers and friends a heart attack after all I just had brain surgery.

then we went to the ti pee were we had a camp fire with hot dogs and smoors. that was also cool. we got back to the cabin at about 7:00 and the girls proceeded in having a mattress surfing contest. Of which I lost sceptically. then we listened to music and played boards games with the younger girl who were extremely cute. the older girls (aka the all-nighters) got a whole wing to are selves and talked until 3 in the morning.

the next day we got up to a sever thunderstorm. we have to clean get ready, clean and pack before breakfast. so we had fun having pillow fights, sweeping and making the pre-Medina clean the bathroom (hey I've done my time). the breakfast homemade biscuits and gray yummy and the worlds best hot chocolate. the rain had stopped by now so we got ready to go the farm to ride horses. they run a small refuge for horses there. they take care of something like 30 horse about 15 are retired race horse and the rest were either donated or saved from the slotter house. I have three horses that I have grown attached too. Coco, Sister, and Amigo. sister was donated by a monestary hints the name. Coco was born at camp Tyler and Amigo is a retired race horse that will never run again if he had his way.

I got to ride coco Mama bear allowed me to Gallup in a near by fleid. and then I got to lead sister and Amigo with some of the less sighted and unconfortable kids. Next year I doubt I'll be able to have this job again.

we also got the see the other animals on the farm including a chick hatching (a completely blind girl got to feel it it was really awsome to watch), milking a cow, feed the chickens of all things crambled eggs (yes we know the cannibals), the bunny rabbits, goats, and pigs all got a visit too.

Then we went back to the loge and ate lunch. We left 2 hour later. when I came back to school I wasn't allowed to go home because I pormised a teacher I would come do a private tutorial with her. We did what we needed to do and talked for like 20 minutes on things completely unrealated to chemistry (she's so ADHD). I came home after that made supper for my brother and sister and dad. then I had to go shopping for a wedding present for a couple that is getting married tomarrow. and my moms away on business until hopeful later today. We settled on a bathroom set (tooth brush holder, soap dispenser, garbage can, and cleanex cover). then we had it gift wrapped and we went to star bucks. I had a mint chocolate chip brownie and a grapefruit Izze. meanwhile me and my dad were having a bet to see if my brother had noticed if we were gone. I bet it wouldn't notice. then just 2 blocks form being home he called. I lost 40 dollars grrr. I came home and crashed at like 8:30.

So how was your past few days?

easter brings a new beginning.....

Well after that last post I was very upset. Then I allowed myself to get my hopes up for trying out for the canadian side. That didn't work out either. The reason? the ONlY reason I couldn't tryout is because I live in Texas and if you wanted to compete you had to declare that you were going on December 15th, But if you live inside the boarders you have until March 24th. Well I couldn't even sit up by myself on December 15th let alone think about trying out for the Paralympic team. so naturally I broke down again.

The hardest part is now I'm seeing Olympic inducements everywhere and every time I see them my heart breaks. these next 6 months are going to be hard. I know I'm going to watch the games too and that will be excrushiatingly painful.

Because I wasn't going anywhere after all I got spring break off of swimming. I used that week to really think about where I want to go and What I want to do. It was hard to force myself to move on, but at the same time I knew I must. I discided that this summer I think I'm going to focus on open water swimming. there are a few swims that I'd like to do in my life time (the English channel etc.) but I have to change the way I train to get there.

What's cool about open water is I've looked and there has not been any blind people do it. Why? I don't know, because there's no adaptations you just where a microphone in your ear and have someone tell you directions. There no walls nothing to in your way you can just swim and be free.

So I think I might do the golden gate bridge or the Escape from Alkartaz, and something in New York (lady liberty swim, brooklyn bridge swim, little red lighthouse. etc). this will kind of get my foot in the door so to speak.

Then I plan on interring the Can Am meet in Vancouver B.C. this summer and break those records. I might even go to southern zones championships for the extra compatition and the 5K open water swim.

So all in all this could have been for the best but we'll see.

leap year blues.

I'm upset right now. There's now sugar coating it. I just found out that there is know hope for me to get to paralympic trails. none they finally put something up that completely made this impossible. So I've been crying most of the evening. and I've now settled into the grim acceptance. I don't know what I'm going to do. I need something to work for and now this is gone. I just don't know.... there's now doubt in my mind I'll keep swimming but I'm frustrated. So incredibly mad, and upset. I wanted this more than anything in the world and I was working my butt off for it. How can you just keep putting up road blocks against people that had already been slammed into the ground Oh lets think....6 time in one year! ARGH! *angry tears*

message from hell!

I had my first two messages from hell. Yes I said that and I'm not exaggerating. I've been really busy in school, training myself into the ground, and all the while I'm extremely sore, hot, sick, and just in general feel like crap. Plus my knots are already coming back! Like I can feel my muscles twinging trying to knot again. I mean its not like I didn't just go though 2 hours of torture for nothing, the least you can do is stay loose for 3 days before starting knot again. Plus lets not forget the charlie horses in my legs from the toxin's flittering out at night. Yeah that's been fun...

I swear If I end up going to hell (but why should I? I'm an angle right?) it will be laying on that table with someone pushing on my 7 year oold knots making me want to faint.

high school sucks.... peroid

I just made a 56 on a test (the only one for the six weeks). My average before the test was a 67 who know how low it is now... There's a way to pass for the six weeks but It's going to require me to go to geometry every morning until next Friday. I'm willing to do it problem is...I have 2 other classes in which I 1) failing or 2) on the verge of failing because I don't get the unit.

I do my homework I don't put off projects to the last minute but I mean come on! Why!

and to top it all off I got a message yesterday night (I know that sound really Ironic, you know because messages are supposed to relax you), She worked really hard on me. Now I'm really sore, and I have to go back tomorrow (and miss more school) for the next hour of my treatment.

I know you all are going to say "can't you put off the message?" the answer is no. I'm so incredibly tense right now. not just from school but also because of the way I have to read it does a number on my neck and back. This problem has been getting worse and worse since the age of 9. I have knots the size of cherry tomatoes in my neck and shoulders. last night the lady worked out 7 knots in my left shoulder, 5 knots in my right, and at least 10 other's in various spots. when I left I had a 102 degree fever.

So this is why I very frustrated right now.

And the waiting game begins.....

Well I'm awaiting/praying that my citizen will be completed meanwhile I've been training like crazy.

I've been sick on and off all week, concerting that I've been doing pretty well practice. When I swim freestyle I have been able to hold 100's under 1:24 secs! 50's under 7:30! and 100 kicks under 1:42! so I'm pretty happy. I also found out yesterday that my 100 butterfly is (as of last year) ranked 13th in the world! *grins*

yesterday I had such a sugar high, I also got a long stemmed rose from a friend that's a boy. He's so sweet. I went around school holding it. everyone was asking me and I couldn't help but be secretive:) then when I got home I made my dad sweat by telling him I had a boyfriend but I wasn't going to tell him who. that was fun!

so I'm just sitting waiting I can hear the jeopardy song playing.....

Some good news, some bad news and some really crappy news....

The good news:
I competed at regional this weekend and dropped 5 seconds in the 100 butterfly! winning my heat. and coming in 14th over all.

on Friday I found out that I *unofficially* have ALL American short course yards records other than breastroke!

The bad news:
I did poorly on my 500 freestyle adding 30 seconds.

The really crappy news:
I just found out that I can try out for the U.S. paralympic team because I'm not a American citizen. My parents have had the paper work for a while and didn't listen to me when I kept bugging them to do it. Now I can't even try out UNLESS I get it done by March 31st! We've called in some favors and wrote some letters and hopefully it will happen. but its in Gods hands now.

Plus I can't apply for those U.S. records until the paperwork passes.

So if anyone reads this please Pray please....I'm trying to keep my cool but if all my hard work goes to waste....I honestly don't know what I will do.....

so many choices!

are choice sheet for are classes is due tomoarrow. I have no Idea What to do? should I take on level english or AP english? Should I do AP or college credit U.S. history? How about French 3 or not? should I take BCIS or wait? How about Physics AP or regular? AHHHH! What do I do? there are only 2 classes I'm dead set on and those are Psychology AP and Algebra 2 AP. everything else is up in the air. so can you help me (ragdoll? if your out there) here is the problem broken down by subject

keep in mind I'm looking into becoming a Physical Therapist with a college major in physiology.

1. English 3 AP or not?- I'm in pre AP now and getting by with B's, Its a weak subject for me all in all.

2. U.S. history concurrent or AP? I will take this at the honor level because although I don't like history per say. I'm really good at it.

3. French 3 or not? I'm in french 2 now I'm passing with A's the only problem is I'm really in a french 1 class (schedule problems) and when I took french 1 last year I had a really bad teacher. I don't feel confident in french at all. but I've always had it in my mind that I would do all 4 years. I love my current teacher and the language itself I really don't want ot drop it.

4. electives?- I have to take speech this year but I need a half credit. I think my first choice is Advertisement do you think that would be fun? I want a class that would be easy but not mindless (if you know what I mean). I want to have fun, but not be wasting my time.

5. physics AP or not?- I'm a science and math person. I'm in Pre AP chemstery now and makeing A's and B+'s.

So what do you think I should do?

You can laugh...but I feel like crying!

I think I sprained my ankle. not sure yet..but about 80% sure. So you want to know how I did it? Warning the lamest injury story ever!

I was spinning in my desk chair (you know jamming to my music) with my legs crossed my left foot was sticking out a little. I pull off my desk and spin really hard then... my left catches my desk drawer knocking it off its hinges. I felt my ankle stretch? it popped some. I took me a few seconds to realize that i was still spinning. my foot was holding the unhinged drawer.

yeah see what I mean LAME!

you know most people have interesting stories about how they got hurt but no I "hit my desk drawer"

It's a little swollen Burns and aches a little bit but I don't think its horrible I worried about the fact that it popped which I've never felt before.

I'm also worried because I have regional in a week so *IF* I really did hurt it I can't swim regionals which I'm going to be really pissed about.

so yeah you can laugh at my lame excitement

I didn't have to be me til tomorrow.....

Well technically I did but Its a song that I've fall in love with called "I don't have me" by Steve Azar.

This weekend's been great with the carb dinner on Friday night (which was a ton of fun) and the meet yesterday. Today's also been nice. I went to church this morning, then grocery shopping to help my mom out (she messed up her shoulder and *might* have to have surgery...more on that later) then I went to the mall. I needed some jeans but I "somehow" managed to get three shirts that I might have found with my friends or I mean "I never knew were on sale mom, but there really cute and if you want to buy them I'm not complaining" *wink*. After that i came home and cooked with my mom and played dress up or figuring out what shirts match with what pants, jackets, shoes, jewelry, and maybe sun glasses and hat to? What? that's not weird or anything right? then chilled out for the rest of the day.

I don't want it to be Monday to marrow...*sigh*

I had my first swim meet in 5 months today!

I was are districts meet (the third biggest meet of the year) It can be the end of the road for a few people, because reagionals is next and every one's entered as individuals. but It wasn't for me! I swam the 500 yard freestyle and 100 yard butterfly. in the 500 I went a 6:47 which earned me a bronze medal. I also swam a best time in the 100 butterfly. I'm really proud of myself!

overall are team crushed the competition. the boys won with a 140 point lead and the girls won with a 106 point lead.

after the meet we went to Chili's to celebrate!
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the semester has started and I'm already behind in chemistry *sigh*. but other than that all is well! We're are starting Julius Cesar in english (which frankly I couldn't care less), and I started Food Science which i can only pray will be beter than Nutrition. I got my report card this week I got A and B+'s and just one C+ but that's in Geometry so I'll that go. My grade average is 90.1 I have to bring that up to a 93 to be in honor society next year.

my sibling's are being annoying as ussual so I have to go

talk to you later.

hummm...now what?

I don't know what to do with myself. I (for once in like a year) have no school work to be done. I can't go swimming. I went to church, cleaned my room, did my chores. so what next? I think I'll make something clay to day. while listening to the radio, maybe play some tertis? yeah I think I'll do that....

And...its over!

my grades are final! I've officially pasted everything! I had a little heart attack though. I failed my french final horribly, but thanks to my IEP I was exsempt from my finals so if the grade didn't help me (like it was going to help a A+ average) they didn't have to count it. I'll post my grades soon.

to celebrate the end of the semester me and 4 other friends went to TGIFridays which was fun.

talk to you later after my 4 day weekend!

I'm so close

I can see the light at the end of tunnel! Its getting brighter everyday. I'm so close to finishing this semsaster, and get on with everything. I got a lot done today. I...

did a six weeks test
finished my nutrition class
finished and turned in a Alexander the Great project.
started my french final
learned and get stoinomitry in chemistry.
started homework

tomorrow I have to....
finish my french final
do my world history final
finish my homework
finish the six weeks test
...and I home free!

extremely annoyed...

Grrrrrrrr....

I'm so pissed at my teacher's, One teacher rather. she gave me alot of work while I was out, which as far as know I turned in. Then i go into class wondering why I had a 31 in her class. wouldn't you be inquiring too? she told me I was missing something a 8 homework assignments! YIKES, so I've been spending the past 3 days taking any spair time, doing boring ole geometry. I really dispize this subject. its so stupid. Oh and don't give me "you'll use it when you get older" no way unless I become a high school geometry teacher (which I can honestly say I won't) I will never us this in my life.

hum I think I'm going draw a circle with lines around it and in it let me see if I can figure out the angle the lines meet, Oh and to make it even more fun lets find the arcs in the circle too. *sigh*

in addition to that the textbook isn't good for anything except for the homework assignments. You can't go back and learn it, unless you learned it in class, and you just need a "brain trigger". so I can't do one of my assignments because I can't figure it out.

then I have a final review which is pointless other than a esay grade, seeing as I'm not taking her final.

again Grrrr...

*sigh*

talk to you later

Reba? I think you wrote my theme song...

seriously this is *my* life story. well except for the single mom, with two jobs part. unless you consider school and swimming my *job* and my pets my *kids* then there you go:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nmcu7RbyceI&feature=related

SLEEPOVER!

yesterday my friend asked me if I wanted to spend the neight. I having nothing better planned said yes. So I get to her house, here the check list of things we did:

we watched t.v.,
goofed off,
ate cesar salad, and chocolate cake,
watched more t.v.,
did each others hair,
goofed off some more,
worked out(yes we know we're weird),
stayed up until 3 am talking

all in all It was a classic Friday night girl friend sleepover:)

yet another poem....

Whats wrong with me. I hate English! I always have. So why now am I popping these poems out?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes I feel like I'm a bird with broken wings.
At times I dream that I'll be where I've been.
But that's when quiet wisdom takes control.
At least I've got a story no one's told.I've finally learned to say, whatever will be will be.
I've learned to take the good the bad and breathe.
Cuz although we like to know what life's got planned,
no one knows if shooting stars will land.These days it feels like you put your faith in hope.
To imitate a child fallen backwards on the snow.
Cuz that's when feeling usually leaves you lying.
But now I try to under realize...Whatever will be wil be.
I've learned to take the good, the bad, and breathe. cuz although we like to know what life's got planned, no one knows if shooting stars will land.Is the road I walk wearing thin?
Is the life I love caving in?
Is the weight on your mind a heavy black bird, patience...Say, whatever will be will be. Take the good the bad, just breathe! Cuz although we'd like to know what life's got planned, no one knows if shooting stars will land. I've finally learned to say, whatever will be will be. And I have learned to take the good, the bad and breathe. Cuz although we like to know what life's got planned, things like that are never in your hands.

No one knows if shooting stars will land.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was really good. I had a ARD meeting and one of my teacher's (the same one that I had a argument with on Tuesday) put me down in front of my dad. which took some explaining to cover. Good thing I had my VI teacher who knew the situation that helped me out. I also made another discovery. Schools a lot easier when your not in pain. Today I was put under some stress, and both times I didn't have a killer headache and I didn't go into a seizure! it was so refreshing. I could think things through. I was nice....

busy busy day....

well I had my first day back a school! It was pretty good considering, I did a lot of running around, arguing with one teacher. but that's about it. I went to chemistry and learned something (I was pleased that I wasn't that far behind). I also went to french and set a new class record by earning the most "faux euros" in one class. I ended up with a grad total of 32! and I haven't even worked on french in months! then I went to Geometry which wasn't bad considering.

There was just one problem the whole day. I've been out of school since my chiari surgery (day before thanksgiving) and my neck is still really tight. I will be for some time. but I read print at this weird angle (because its the only way I can see it) While I was in this position my neck "spazed" I felt this twinge shoot up my neck. It was really painful. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. but I can't do that everyday. I happened several times, and all of which brought tires to my eye's. I talked to my swim coach about it, and he gave me a pass to see the school trainer for an "ice message" I just might do that. If I can find the time:) but other than that. All's well.

I'm going back to school....

I'm so happy! I can't beleive I'm saying that! but its true I want to get back ot my life. I also want to sport my new lettermen Jacket complete with patches! I spent most of today tieing up loose ends with the homebond work. As far as I know I all set. I'll be sure to write about my first day back at school tomorraw. See you then.

sleep deprived...

and I don't know why? I'm not a night owl at all infact I rarely stay up past 10 pm. For the past three nights I've been falling asleep at about 4 or 5 in the morning. This morning I just got into a light sleep when my little sister woke up about 5:30 and gets my dog all excited. yay for my sister! So over the past 3 days I've slept about 9 hours. and I'm not even tired now. My mom said if I don't fall asleep by midnight she'll give me something to knock me out. Hey if it works it works. I'll try anything

well I feel productive

I typed all my chemistry (12 something pages worth). I wrote 3 current events, and 3 play reports. that only leaves 3 tests, 3 homework assignments for geometry and all my french, and 1 essay on "Antonge". but that it. that's not that bad right?....

On another note I had a good swim practice today. I SWAM about 750 yards and KICKED about 2,500 yards. that's been the most so far. plus I'm not even sore...

My parents are in the process of getting there U.S citizenship, because I need mine so I can fill out the paper work to compete under the U.S. flag. There's probably some technicality that I could use, but I'd feel awful competing under the wrong flag. Did you know that it cost 1,100 dollars to pay for them? I had know idea they were that expensive. know wonder its such a big issue now.

hmmm I think that's it... Oh no wait I burned my finger today with melted cheese. Okay start laughing now....

Now I think that's really it.

today was....

A pretty good day. I got COMPLETILY cleared to swim again(which means getting up and 5 am *sigh*). Oh well I'm just happy to be in the water again.

I'm really tight today. I have two knots in my shoulder and I have a couple on my neck. my mom is going to see if she can get me into a message therapist sometime this weekend.

hopefully I'll be going back to school sometime next week.

and finally the best part is.... there taking me off my anti seizure meds! I'm so happy about that. I have a lot of school work that needs to be done by Monday. So talk to you later

some weird song poem thing I wrote!

I'm not a poet, nor am I a song writer. but lately I've had a lot on my mind. last year was a really hard on me both physically and emotionally. I found out I'm going to be completely blind before I am 25 (it seemes like a long time but its not. and that's if I'm really lucky). and it can all go in 2 years to 2 hours. its very iffy and scary.

BUT that's not all. I suffered a major concussion about 3 weeks later. that triggared something that didn't show up until about 3 months ago. I was looseing strength fast. and I started having Headache's that never went away. I was weak, dizzy and shaking all the time. then I had a series of seizures. I had something called Chiari 1 malformation. they don't normally operate on it. but my was so server that they didn't have a choice. I had brain surgery the day before thanksgiving.

AND I also broken my left hand 3 times. My left finger 2 time in a six week peroid. and pinch a nerve in my lower back.

so yeah last year was really hard. I am determined to have a better year. today I was hit with this emotion. I spent about 10 minutes writing something down. so here what I wrote....

my life isn't easy, but yet who's is
I have nothing to hide, but a lot to cry, about somethings that I did,
but when I asked I would get the answer

The road is hard
the road is long
but its a test to see how strong you really are.
the road is wide
the road is rough
and that's why you should alway's fallow me.

I didn't believe, I tried to hard to lead,
then I fell over a unseen brick
I picked up and tried to move on,
but nothing seemed to work
I fought a bear,
I fell down stairs,
but when I asked I got the same answer..

the road is hard
the road is long
but it's a test to see how strong you really are
the road is wide
the road is rough
but that is why you should always fallow me...

I let go
I gave in
I gave hin the spot that was really his
I learned to fallow
I learned to listen
and now i don't ask why....

Why's the road hard
Why's the road long
I see now it's test to see how strong you really are.
Why's the road wide
Why's the road rough
and that's why we should fallow him.

like I did

what this years all about

This is my first blog here. This is my resolution for this year. You will here me talk about the ups and downs of life. As well as my swimming goal and hopeful success. Anyway any reader out there? If you want read more about me just check out my profile.